How to Defend Against the Infamous Trump Handshake
The Relson Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Columbus, Ohio has released a video that could come in handy for cabinet appointees, visiting heads of state, victorious athletes, or anyone else set for a photo op with the new president. The video provides step-by-step instructions on how to defend against Trump’s aggressive handshake technique.
First, a disclaimer: the black-belt Jiu-Jitsu instructor explicitly states that he is not suggesting his moves should be employed against the president and he does not intend to use the move should he have the opportunity to meet with the president–nor should anyone else. However, if President Trump’s handshaking style happens to become popular with his followers, this guide could help make your next Thanksgiving with that uncle a little bit more bearable.
In short, the defense goes like this:
Step 1: Once the president/your uncle grabs your hand, allow them to pull you in.
Step 2: Step in with your left foot and use your free left arm to wrap around the president’s…I mean, your uncle’s right elbow.
Step 3: Use the hand embraced in a shake with the perpetrator’s tiny hand to bend their (possibly tiny) wrist inwards.
Step 4: Then, use your free left hand to put your red-hatted uncle into a “gnarly” “gooseneck wrist lock.”
Step 5 (optional but recommended): Wash any peculiar orange, Cheeto-like residue from your hands lest you wish to fall ill with the same skin ailment that seems to have stricken Sean Spicer.
Remember, these five easy steps might just be the perfect addition to your next Turkey-day. And should you meet the president, consider Justin Trudeau’s a less inflammatory technique for resisting the Trump grip of death.